Psalms 42:1,2 AMP
As the deer pants [longingly] for the water brooks,
So my soul pants [longingly] for You, O God.
My soul (my life, my inner self) thirsts for God, for the living God. When will I come and see the face of God?
I thought about God continuously. As a result of that, I made a decision to attend bible college which I did until my graduation in 1967. When I was finished with my bible college education, I understood that I had gained so much and yet in my heart I knew something was missing. It was difficult for me to realize that gaining knowledge had left me somewhat less. This confused me because I thought that the study of scripture would give to me an even greater passion for the heart of God. It was very difficult for me when the reality hit that I had lost something and somehow I was not that individual that I was in my younger years.
In my study of the scriptures I was taught that feelings could be deceptive and that I should not trust them, but rely on biblical truths. The teachers instructed us that if I really loved the Lord, then I was to obey His commandments. What was difficult for me was I was young and vulnerable to these new concepts. I enjoyed every minute of the studies yet somehow I was losing what was so valuable and that was a passion for God Himself.
It is hard to look at yourself and have an honest evaluation and see something has gone missing. I never knew how much I lost until I was asked to stay at a house of a Roman Catholic believer. I was attending a ministerial conference in Calgary, Alberta. That man had something that I had lost. It was a passion for Jesus and it came out in love, joy, and enthusiasm. That was my beginning to search my own heart and find what it was that I lost.
I would like to tell you more, but this post does not allow me such so I will say this in conclusion. The affections that we have for God are paramount. It is of utmost importance for us not to lose our intensity and our desire to pursue Jesus. I ask myself the question continuously, “Do I love Jesus too little and love the church and study of the scripture too much?” I have needed, at times, to repent for putting the church and study ahead of my passion for Jesus Christ. All of us need to examine our hearts and ask the same question ...
Is there anything that has replaced my passion for Jesus Christ?